4. Keep feedback constructive
Once those lines of communication are open, remember that it’s a two-way street. “There’s no better way to improve a relationship – and encourage self-awareness – than by providing constructive feedback on the behavior of others,” said Colin D. Ellis, author of “The Conscious Project Leader.”
“Constructive” is the operative word here. If you do decide to bring your observations about your low-EQ boss or colleague's behavior to their attention, be sure to do so in a respectful and balanced way, says Bird.
Bird illustrates how to do this effectively: “For the best chance of your feedback being heard, keep it specific (e.g yesterday, during the conference call, you interrupted me X times), state the impact (it made me feel X), and ask them to help you understand why they do what they do. Providing feedback in this way gives you the best chance of at least getting some insight into their thinking, or if they are even aware of what they are doing.”
[ Do your communication skills need work? Read 12 bad communication habits to break in IT. ]
When giving feedback, “It’s critically important when dealing with these kinds of people to ensure that you remain the best version of yourself at all times,” Ellis adds. “Have a clear agenda, be calm, listen, take time to absorb messages, keep notes, and be honest about what you are feeling. Ensure that you communicate effectively and walk (calmly) away from any kind of poor behavior.”
5. Maintain your emotional distance
If leading by example and attempts at communication fail, then self-preservation may be your best course of action. If it’s someone you can’t physically avoid in the workplace, you can still keep your distance – emotionally.
“One of the most important things to do if you find yourself working for someone with a lower level of emotional intelligence is to recognize and adapt to that. For example, if you know they are prone to outbursts or angry accusations, remember its more about them than it is about you,” said Bird. “Don’t take it personally (often easier said than done). Emotional distance between you and them is important. Don’t let a dysfunctional leader affect your feelings of self-worth.”
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